QUOTES

Note that some of those quoted here can be found on my friend's pages.

"Dear, there's a squid in your nose.  I think you should take it out."

-David of the Hair

"Dear, the Universe is philosophical about you. You might as well be philosophical about it."

-Chris

"You...You...You're Andy! You're Darth Vader's Evil Hippie Cousin!"

-Little Dave

"I Don't Need Caffeine! I Have Electrodes Strapped To My Nipples!"

-Funny, Ben of the Hats (AKA Funny Hat Ben)

"Really? Let me see!"

Bex Title, responding to the above

Be Digital. Be One With Zero."

-Unknown comment found pinned to my door one morning.

"I hate College.
It's so disillusioning.
I love College.
It's so disillusioning."

-Katya Otis

"I have searched the whole world over
Looking for a place to sleep
I have seen the strong survive
And I have seen the lean grow weak"

-Gordon Lightfoot, "Don Quixote"

"Take me down to the harbor now
The grapes of the summer are gone from the bough
Ghosts of my history will follow me there
And the wind of the old days will blow through my hair"

-Joan Baez, "Winds of the Old Days"

"Forgive me,
I ate your web page.
It was tasty, and tart to the tongue."

-Seen on an MIT server.

Occam's Razor: The simplest solution is usually correct.
Andy's Extension: Don't make the question harder than it is.

Cole's Axiom: The sum of intelligence in the world is a constant.
The population is increasing.

Law of the Conservation of Filth: It is impossible to get one thing clean without getting something else dirty.
Freeman's Extension: It is, however, possible to get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

"Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl... 'Cause it hurts like hell."

-David Bowie, "Underground" (From Labyrinth)

"Oh! It's so stimulating being your hat!"

-A Hat from Labyrinth

"You remind me of the Babe"
   "What Babe?"
"The Babe with the Power!"
   "What Power?"
"The Power of Voodoo"
   "WhoDo?"
"You do!"
   "Do what?"
"Remind me of the Babe!"

-David Bowie as Jareth, and various Goblins.

"What shall it profit a man if he gaineth the whole world, yet he hath no allowable deductions?"

-Mike Callahan (From a book by Spider Robinson)

"Tyranny has its place. Universal freedom would deny my right to restrict Jeffrey Dahmer's Recreational and dietary habits."

-Doc Webster (From a book by Spider Robinson)

"Yes, but freedom brings with it the responsibility to be faster than Jeffrey Dahmer."

-Katya Otis

"...I hardly have enough time for my lighting homework, let alone sleeping with every Aries on campus!"

-Funny Hat Ben

"I have no desire for gun-totin' midgets."

-Funny Hat Ben

(In an old lady voice)"Are you done with the pliers, Jimmy?"
(Normally) "I'm fixing the sink, Mom!"
(Old lady) "But there's a horse that needs to be castrated here..."

-Overheard at Saga, uttered by Funny Hat Ben

"Forget the pliers, get the chainmail!"

-Winter

"Is that an eyebrow in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

-Catherine

"I'm hung like a newt."

-Jesse Washburn

"We believe in Fondue. Do you believe in Fondue too?"
 "I know it exists..."
"Of course you do! If you look deep into your heart, you know that you will find melted cheese."

-Chris Langham and Sam the Eagle (Muppet Show)

"But I don't eat cheese!"

-Catharine, in response to the above

"I ate your god."

-Winter, pointing to the remnants of melted cheese on her plate

"'Oh Bother,' said Pooh, as Cthulu rose out of the ground to eat him.

-Little Dave, quoting someone.

"On a scale of One-to-Sweet-Holy-Christmas, that's right up there with ngungngunghowowng."

-Jesse Washburn

"I don't wanna be laminated when I die!"

-Katya

"I don't wanna be freeze-dried when I die!"

-Little Dave

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."
   <????>
"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty."

-Pat Morita as the Emperor in Mulan

"I don't care for boys or girls
I'd rather hang around with the birds
Humans only wreck the world
They'd kill your whole family for a string of pearls..."

-Juliana Hatfield, For the Birds

"Mojo is kind of like 'funk'. And it increases as you age; you get groovier as you age."

-Glyph, about a game of some sort.

[Ben's] brain is like a carpet: you have to take it out and shake it, then bang it against a tree"

-Alyissa

"My brain is dry clean only, and I can't afford it. That's why it's so dirty."

-Katya Otis

"Computer Geeks Motto: I havn't lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere!"

-unkown

"Practice Safe Government: Use Kingdoms"

-Seen on a bumper sticker

"I like to wake up feeling a new man."

-Jene Harlow

"I'm an illustrator, not a writer! If I was talking in heiroglyphics I'd have you all screwed to the wall!"

-Chris Bing

"Well drop a ferret in my pants and call me twitchy!"

-Pat Sajak, during an episode of Wheel of Fortune

"The telegraph is a kind of very long cat. You pull his tail in New York, and his head is mewing in Los Angeles. Radio operates in exactly the same way, except there is no cat."

-Albert Einstein

"Who wants a wiener? It dances so appealingly!"

-Karen

"The great question of immunology is why we're not dead."

-Chris Jarvis

"Having been tormented by demons their entire lives, the humans were pathetically inadequate."

-from the prologue to Bastard!!

"No great revelation... marketing people know about [population] segmentation from the time they can first stick their heads up their asses."

-A user on slashdot

"This meter is now used by the codec, for no particular reason."

-Seen in the program AudioGrabber

"Man can spend his whole existence never learning the simple lesson that he has only one life and that if he fails to do what he wants with it, nobody really cares."

-Louis Auchicloss

"I been one poor correspondant
 I been too, too hard to find
 But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind"

-America, "Sister Golden Hair"

"Lemme get this straight - You can get the commercial version for free, or you can pay for the non-commercial version. Hmmm. The commercial version has no commercials, and the non-commercial version has commercials. Who's on first?!?"

-Slashdot user Stott, referring to the Opera Web-Browser

"And reflect that no matter what misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee."

-The Harvard Lampoon, "Deteriorata"

"You can see the summit - but you can't reach it
  Last piece of the puzzle - but you just can't make it fit
  Doctor says you're cured - and you still feel the pain
  Aspirations in the clouds while your hopes go down the drain

  And you want her
  And she wants you
  No one ever is to blame..."

-Howard Jones, "No one is to blame"

"I have a really big 0th dimensional plane in my room; it's infinitely large in an infinitesimally small point."

-Colin Booth

"Do you have to babble on about everything?"
 "Well, actually, I do, because it relieves my feelings and makes me sound like a fool, which is exactly what I want our enemies to think me. Who'll take a fool and a viper seriously?"
 "Done, then. You babble, and I'll hiss."

-exchange between Jill and Salamander, from "The Bristling Wood" by Katherine Kerr

"I've never seen this graph work right, but if it does, I'll give you a donut."

-Jha, my Bio Lab TA

"Seodra dropped her voice, as if afraid that the walls might hide spies, or, at any rate, historians; and this maneuver must have been successful, for we are unable to report what was exchanged between them for the next several moments."

-Lord Paarfi, Historian. ("The Pheonix Guard," by Steven Brust)

"This was a community of equals. They could all write code -- or rewrite the code someone else had written. The NWG was an ad-hocracy of intensely creative, sleep-deprived, idiosyncratic, well meaning computer geniuses."

-from "Where Wizards Stay Up Late," by Katie Hafner and Matthew Lyon

"We've figured it out! Life, the Universe and Everything! There are 12.5 dimensions!"

-Betsy

"We know the answer -- 42. We know the question -- What do you get when you multiply six by nine? This only works in base 12.5. Time must be the half-dimension, because it only runs one way. We're still working on the other nine."

-Peter

"It doesn't get complicated until you get to the 150.25ths place.

-Peter and Betsy

"Sex appeal has got to be the fourth dimension.
 "Well, if sex is the fourth dimension, smell must be the fifth!"

-Exchange between Betsy and Peter

"Honored Lord, can I sit this battle out and bake you a pie instead?"

-Samurai Dave

"This type of operation is called the 'ternary operator' or the 'conditional operator.' This sounds as though it has some relationship with an aquatic bird, perhaps reminiscent of the old, rather cruel saying 'leave no tern unstoned'. It has nothing at all to do with this."

-Ivor Horton, in "Beginning C"

"Beautiful for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
We're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man who we've elected King..."

-Don Henley, "End of the Innocence"

"If you can't deal with someone killing a man with a pen, you must be seriously disturbed!"

-Julia

"...not just Fuzzyologists."
"I deplore that term, Mr. Grego. The suffix is Greek, from logos. Fuzzy is not a Greek word, and should not be combined with it." "Oh, rubbish, Ernst. We're not speaking Greek; we're speaking Lingua Terra. You know what Linuga Terra is? An indiscriminate mixture of English, Spanish, Portuguese, and Afrikaans, mostly English. And you know what English is? The result of the efforts of Norman men-at-arms to make dates with Saxon barmaids in the Ninth Century Pre-Atomic, and no more legitimate than any of the other results. If a little Greek suffix gets into a mess like that, it'll have to take care of itself the best way it can. And you'd better learn to like the term, because it's your new title. Chief Fuzzyologist; fifteen percent salary increase."
"For that, I believe I can condone a little linguistic barbarism."

Exchange between Victor Grego and Ernst Mallin, from "Fuzzy Sapiens" by H. Beam Piper

"I have a question for you."
  "Okay... what's the question?"
  "What the hell is that? Oh, it's a cat."
  "I don't think you really needed to call me to answer that one..."

-A phone conversation between my sister (in California), and myself (in Massachusetts, 3000 miles away)

""Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."

-Unknown

"Hmm. Belt, socks, putty, gun... *THUD* Toy!"

-Claudia

"Where are the reinforcements?"
 "They're pinned down by a small bunny."

-An exchange in Sluggy Freelance

"Am I right, am I wrong, or am I a large furry aardvark?"

-Anonymous

"Lipsmackin' Thirstquenchin' Acetastin' Motivatin' Goodbuzzin' Cooltalkin' Highwalkin' Fastlivin' Evergivin' Coolfizzin' Ece221."
"I Was an Ece221 Weakling" "Sweet as the Moment When the Ece211 Went "Pop""

-The Advertising Slogan Generator

"Isn't it sad? So many cool people, so much space between them. And that space is mostly filled with idiots..."

-Anonymous, in reference to finding interesting people online.

"Haha! I'm going to make Andy think he owns 14 copies of 1984..."

-Anonymous hacker, with reference to my on-line book database

"I need some noodles to analyze, with Noodle Analysis"
    "... Why?"
"For the same reason I need secret pants!"

-An exchange between Michael and myself.

"Come on, wouldn't you prefer a storm of knives to the ordinary kind?"
 "Only if I had a steel umbrella and really high steel toed boots!"

-An exchange between Melanie and myself, regarding the refrigerator magnet phrase "knife storm chant"

"They say when all you have is a hammer, the whole universe looks like a nail."
"I guess when all you have is a whisk, the whole univrse looks like it needs a good beating"

-Exchange in Schlock Mercenary

"Oh no! She broke the wall that held in the gravity!"

-Comment during the movie "Labyrinth"

"I know why it broke! I broke it! That's what happened"

-Jon

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

-James D. Nicoll

"'Political correctness' is nothing but herdwired advocacy journalism."

-From "Israel and the Press," by Fred Reed

For more quotes, check out Johanna's Quote Page
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